Today was extremely uncomfortable day at work and although I have been clocked out for a good two hours, I still have not fully recovered from the emotional swings. To be fair, some of the unpleasant feelings could be attributed to my everyday battle with anxiety and depression. Here lately however, going to my place of business has been like taking a big gulp of Echinacea goldenseal and washing it down with cranberry concentrate.
On the outside everyone appears civil, but underneath the niceties there are a host of quiet battles being fought between coworkers. My discomfort stems from mainly one coworker. At best, she is a workaholic who excels at her job. At worse, she is a cantankerous old crone who tends to think her way is the only right way. She gets hissy when someone crosses her the wrong way and I did that last week. The wrath of this old lady is not one to be taken lightly
I have seen her have darn near pleasant interactions with fellow coworkers. There have been several times I have had to nod politely when someone gushes about her. Boy do they have the wrong impression though. She will bad mouth you the second you walk away if she thinks you are in any way in the wrong. Everyone has their own level of narcissism and believe me I can be just as narcissistic as the next person. Sometimes though, she seems to be on a whole other level with her since of self-importance.
Honestly, I used to be with the bandwagon of coworkers who thought she was a kind person. For a good two years I defended her to the employees in our department. She was my mentor and definitely someone I put on a pedestal. Slowly that faded.
When she went on medical leave last year, I helped out the department by doing her workload. She trained me to do her job and while doing so I learned a harsh truth that unless I understood the first time how to do something, in her eyes I was considered inept. It was at that time that my respect for her evaporated. Not only was her job simple and seemingly straightforward, her harsh and berating comments took a toll on our friendship.
Within the last month or so, she has begun making snide comments about my work performance and about my appearance. If I make a mistake, she is the first to know since my job directly affects her own. I know since she makes comments to me about other coworkers performance, it is not a leap to fear that she is spreading things about myself. My appearance can be somewhat of a sore spot for me. I try to dress for my body but not all of my work appropriate clothes are loose fitting and she makes comments about it. I just about have a panic attack before I walk in because I know she is there to jump on me about something.
She is the first person I see when I walk into the department and just knowing she is there makes me uncomfortable. Seeing her personal belongings in the hallway before the office makes me cringe. She is one of those people who the mere sight of her can make you weary of any interaction. In our office it is not necessarily the sight of her that strikes fear first, it is the sound the office chair makes when she rolls toward you. She rarely walks anywhere with her cane, and instead she rolls around the office in her offending manner.
Last week was particularly trying at work with her. She interrupted my work flow to get onto me for not making something easier for her. Since usually I am trying to make her work load lighter, it miffed me that she would get onto me about something she could easily do. I got upset and told her that she is not my supervisor. Not my classiest moment, mainly because I took the line from Cheryl who is a character in the animated comedy, Archer. But, honestly I was at the end of my rope with her. Something as simple as telling her what she already knows made her angry enough to keep it going this week.
The sad part of it is, I still ended up reworking the excel document so that it would automatically do what she wanted us to do manually. She didn’t even say a word of thanks or acknowledgement.
I really hope she does not come in tomorrow or Saturday. I have no interest in being nice to her anymore.